When I TRULY KNEW

Does anyone else remember back to the first time they took a dick into their mouth?

I do...

Do you ever think back and wonder, "What the FUCK was I thinking?!? What compelled me to do THAT?!?

I do...

Do you remember really not wanting to, yet instinctively wetting your lips for the long ride down?

I do...

Do you remember if you were coaxed, maybe even shouldered down to your knees?  Or if you willing dropped before him, suckling at the bit to get your first taste?

I do...

Do remember lying quiet and still as your first male lover took you into HIS mouth, hoping for all of hopes sake that he'd NOT ask for a return service?

Shamefully, I do...

Where you, ultimately, so thankful when he did, in fact, work you to such a frenzied lust that, dizzy and dumb, you were finally able to break free of your shackles and let that wonderful, fat cock come home to roost?

I was...

All these years later, I can still put myself, young and horny beyond belief, in Mark's college dorm room as if it were happening right NOW.  We'd been fooling around for a few weeks, but I wasn't admitting to any of it, not even to myself.  I'd come over to "study" and we'd kiss and fondle, he'd slowly undress the two of us, and, ultimately, take care of both our needs.  This one particular night, though, was different.  There was a hunger in Mark, a forcefulness, strangely familiar to me.  I knew he was working me, playing me like a bitch for all I was worth.  He didn't just want something from me, he needed it and was willing to TAKE IT, if he had to.

The power and strength coming off his body, fueled my own fire.  His will to dominate and showcase his maleness, egged me to step up and meet him full on...FUCK if he'd just take my passive ass without a fight!  He proved he wasn't going to just take what I gave him, but that he was willing to take whatever the FUCK he wanted.  It was up to me to buck up, and see where it took us.  Bastard figured out my weakness.

Fuck if I'd be outdone, or out man'd!  I went after him with a sexual abandon I never allowed out before.  All my wants to physically devour him were let loose, no holds barred. I was always weary with a girl of being too aggressive, too strong, but with Mark, I knew he could match me, I knew because we had collided before on the playing field...he was up for the challenge.  He willed it out of me.

THAT'S WHEN I KNEW...TRULY KNEW WHAT I WANTED...WHAT I NEEDED.

This one was for me...

RafaDe

Too Many Questions

I could tell that Johnny was completely annoyed with me, and I knew why he was upset, but there just wasn't anything I could do to change what had happened.

Earlier in the week, Johnny and I were at a local bar, straight, and streaming with full chested, round bootied gals dying to dance dance dance the cock stick fantastic.  There was one girl, in particular, that sweet baby brother was totally hard for and was wanting a deal with the Devil to take this little party out from the bar and right into her panties.  Deal breaker being his party pooping fag of a brother (that would be me, btw), couldn't raise himself to wing man status for hot friend of hot girl.  Even if I could have risen, broken wing and all, I wouldn't have, but Johnny didn't see it that way.

Inside, the bar was stuffy and hot; a moist air of body heat and sexual arousal hung heavy about us.  Exiting, we didn't really talk much, both enjoying the suddenly cool, fresh air against our skin, as we both enjoyed a peaceful quiet.

Finally, he says, "What happened?  Everything was fine when I went to buy drinks.  You didn't tell her you were gay, DID YOU?!?"

"Didn't have to, she guessed..."

"Come on, you're not THAT gay."

"Apparently, I AM that gay." I paused a second, to let my statement sink in a bit, "Look, I tried to keep it cool, but she was crazy.  You saw her on the dance floor, she was like a half crazed octopus...her hands were EVERYWHERE! She even reached around to grab at me, but was none to happy with what she found.  Turning me around, and with a quizzical stare, asked me point blank if I was gay. What could I do?  I just shrugged and smiled."

"Seriously?  You weren't turned on by that?"

Again, shrugging, "No, not really."

"That why they left in a huff?"

"Well, SHE, more than your little friend.  SHE called me a 'fag', and high heeled it over to grab their stuff, whispered something to, what's her name, Sara(?), and pulled her out the door, giving me one final grimace before exiting."

It was a short walk from the bar, but once home, Johnny was quick to grab a beer from the fridge, downing half before even leaving the kitchen. Dejected, he lounged on the couch with his half drunk beer in his lap, and played up the part of sad drunken sap to perfection.  He is the baby, through and through, sulky and mad if things don't go his way.  I can't help but stare at him blankly, not sure what to say or do.

Staring back at me, "What?"

"Nothing...just sorry, that's all."

"FUCK YOU, Raf!  You're always fucking sorry!"  Mocking me he whines, "Oh, I'm so sorry...so sorry...don't be mad, I'm sorry."  Then, back to angry voice, "You're not sorry, don't fuck'n lie to me, you don't care about any of us!"

"Hey!  What's that supposed to mean?"

"Please, like you don't know.

"Enlighten me, John...please."

Suddenly, looking honestly defeated and sad, he says, "Nothing, never mind."

"Come on, Johnny, this is obviously bigger than losing out on a one night stand.  Talk to me, what's going on?

Looking down, he asks me, "When did you know?"

I roll my eyes.

Inwardly, I couldn't help but think how much I hate this fucking question.  

When did I know what...myself? 

How can you not know yourself?  

How can you not know something deep inside, at the very core of who you are?

How can you not know your own desires?  

How can you NOT know...

His Eyes Were Watching Men

Originally, I wasn't planning on posting anything again until my little brother, Johnny, headed for home mid next week, but...in the wee early light of yesterday morning, I had me a bit of a perverted dream that I probably should be embarrassed to tell.  Yet, somehow I am, with cock raging in hand, completely compelled to share.


Before I get started, I'd like acknowledge to everyone who regularly reads my posts, that I purposefully have been steering away from writing as much about my personal life and tidbits of my sexcapades with Mark.  Although I do love writing my poetry and playing with words and such from traditional rhymes and classic songs everyone knows and can relate to, I'm starting to miss the camaraderie that goes along with opening up my life for others to see.  There's a passion in my writing that is missing without this element, and, personally, feel that with just the rhymes, my ramblings are feeling a might stale.  It can be scary at times, baring my soul, as it leaves a sense of vulnerability hanging, yet, at the same time, is one of the most empowering feelings in the world.  It's this endorphic rush of contrasting emotions that is the driving force in wanting to go back to my roots, as it's the very reason I started up this blog in the first place.


Sorry, (SIDETRACKED!!), back to my perversions...


It was early light, maybe around 5:00 am or so, sorta in that asleep but awake mode, when one can have the absolute BEST dreams!  The gist is, Mark and I were in bed, making sweet masculine love, but we weren't alone!  Johnny, who I knew subconsciously, was sleeping in the guest room next door, was, in my dream, completely naked and sitting in a bedside chair playing with himself as his eyes, big as saucers, watched our every move.  He never said anything nor did he ever participate in what we were doing, just watched as we played. Mouth agape, stroking up and down the length of his thick and flaring cock as he lightly caressed about his upper torso, pinching at his eraser'd nips, trolloping through his trail to manhood and curling his fingers through his bush hairs to tumble and grope at his balls.  I remember feeling conscious of his eyes boring into me, and not wanting him to be there, not wanting him to see me in this way.  Yet, with physical and emotional desires burning too hot, I was never able to yield myself from opening up to Mark's masculine touch.  Johnny watching our exertions, brought me to the edge of eroticism, making each touch that much more intense, that much more succulently satisfying.  As our passion for carnal love burned hotter, Mark was ready to mount me, take me as his, as he spread me wide.  His hard cock was thick with arousal and my own guilty desires more than apparent.  I tried to squirm from his grasp, really and truly NOT wanting Johnny to see me in this way...moaning and groaning like a skewered bitch, lathered up hot and stank'n, begging for his cock as I got fucked a new asshole.  Mark knows me well, and using this knowledge against me, was having none of my games.  With my ass open and on fire, legs spread wide for his touch, I succumbed to him, allowing Mark to have his way. His cock, having had my ass many times before, quickly took ownership, slipping unhindered past my sphincter and deep into the valley of ME!  I couldn't help but moan an writhe beneath him, as he took my breath away, fucking me hard, as he made love to me from above.  I swear I could feel his actual sweat dripping from his exertions and onto my own sweltering self.  Feel Mark egging me onto orgasm as Johnny's eyes continued to bore into me, devouring the sights placed before him.  As Mark continued to rock my world, I tried to concentrate on the feelings within and the love being made upon me, yet I could never completely leave from Johnny's presence, knowing he was right there with me, sensing what I was feeling, moved by my passions, aroused by the sounds and smells of sex permeating throughout the entire room.  Until...until, finally, I hear a small gasp escape Johnny's bee stung lips as he's brought over the edge.  Quietly mewling, head arched back, cum spurts from his lap and spills up onto his pecs, then drips, thick and hearty, slowly downward, painting a line along his abs and into his curly'd bush.  His fingers and thumb wet with his pleasure as he continues to lovingly caress his nestling cock and balls.  Chest still heaving, he takes measured breaths to slow his fluttering heart and calm his ragged breath.


GOD!!!  I don't know if I can even explain just how hot and bothered I was, when I woke up, yet, simultaneously, feeling so disgusted with myself, so damn dirty!  To top it all off, my cock was RAGING!  Red and flaring hot, it was all I could do but have myself right then and there.  Throwing off the sheets and grabbing at my dick, I stroked myself with a flurry, not wanting to wait one second more than necessary to bring myself off with a ball gurgling orgasm.  Within a short few moments, my already angry cock was thick to overflowing with blood, as cum oozed slick from my crown.  Toes curled, entire body taught with tension, I exploded with a HUGE guilt laden orgasm ripping from deep in my center and out my spout. Hot, sticky cum ball after hot, sticky cum ball volley'd forth, spraying thick and heavy all the FUCK over my damned self!


Was this a dream or my worst nightmare?!? From the time I woke, I could never quite lose the feeling of being watched by him, and somehow thinking Johnny knew exactly what I was up to and could somehow see inside my dirty perversions.  Finished and messy, I couldn't get into the shower fast enough.  I needed to somehow wash away all my filth and be CLEAN!  Dressed, I came out to rustle us up  a pre-workout breakfast, and there he was completely clueless, smiling and ready to hit the gym.


Sorry for such a long post, but I really needed to get this out of my system.  If you enjoyed it, many thanks need to go out to Corey Jo for her help in tipping the scales in favor of me continuing with my open book.  If it's a thumbs up, I'd love a shout out for more (or even just a simple click of appreciation in the reactions area), but regardless, expect more of the same to be peppered in with my rhymes of silly gay ass'd shit.   If not so much...oh well, SORRY.  There are perhaps BILLIONS of sights out in gay porno land bursting with pics of naked dudes looking as if they're all hot and lathered up for your gay, horned up ass!  Good hunting...


A happy bating to all and to all a good beating--


RafaDe