Homecoming

I had just finished up my last bit of work and was winding things down for the night, as I pieced through some e-mails, one being a bit of advice from Corey Jo on how to handle my dick hardening kiss from this past weekend at Pride.  Suddenly, I hear a sharp, shit startling cry from my dog, as she runs and barks excitedly back and forth from the front door to my office and back again and again and again.  Great...Mark's home.


Crouching down, he swaddles her up in his arms, tail wagging a mile a minute as she happily writhes about, tongue lapping at his face, she showers him with love.  (you know you've picked right, when your dog loves your man as much as she loves you).  Bringing me into the fold with a hug, he longingly kisses me, as our dog swabs excitedly at our cheeks.  Putting her down to run about our feet, he asks me how my weekend went. Scrunching my face, I ask, in return, if he wants a beer.


"Oh, God, what did you do, Raf?"


Reclining on the sofa, feet on the coffee table (have I mentioned how much I hate that), I hand him a beer and tell him straight out.  "I kissed a boy, Mark, at Pride, I...I kissed him and groped him a bit..."  


"Really?  That's funny, I kissed a boy, too."


I slapped him, "WHAT?!?  You didn't..."


"No, I didn't.  I just wanted you to know how it felt to hear it." (BASTARD!)


I slapped him again, HARD! "You Bastard, I hate it when you do that shit to me!" Then I start to shake.  I'm so fucking angry that he can make me so mad and feel so guilty all at the same time.  


Visibly upset, he senses that I am beside myself, and he swaddles me up much like he did with the dog, and and whispers in my ear, "Oh, Rafi, it's ok baby...I know how you get at these things.  I still remember that first time we cruised down Bourbon Street and we crossed the border from the straight section and into what you now call, "Gay Heaven".  You become a whole new person, free from all your guilt and the backwash that holds you back.  I love it when you get like that, seeing you so light of heart, makes me wish I could be like you, have your spirit.  I took a risk, letting you go by yourself.  But I know you, Raf, I know you have that weird eject button, that as soon as things get going too far out of your comfort zone, you crash and burn anything and anyone that tries to stop you stopping."

"I'm so sorry, Mark, I don't know what gets into me sometimes..."


"It's ok, I knew something was up.  You were acting weird on the phone.  Usually you can't wait to tell me everything, in detail."

I just shrugged, embarrassed, "I know, I didn't know what to say, without telling you.  I just couldn't, not over the phone."


"You want to tell me, don't you?"


Like a little kid bursting with news about his day, "He was soooo CUTE, Mark, you would have died!"


"Oh Lord, am I the last to know?  Is it already posted on your little blog?"

"No!  Not yet, anyway, I wanted to tell you first!"


"Fine.  You can tell me about him, as I fuck you.  You owe me this one."


Well, guys, he did fuck me.  A bit harder and colder than usual, but we both got off on me whispering my thoughts about this hot little scallywag that I had met over the weekend in the hot 'n horny LBC.


Cuddling with me later, he did mention something that has been bugging me, and I can't quite wrap myself around it all.  He said something to the effect that although I may just be having fun, and not really meaning anything by what I do or say, that I end up playing with other peoples feelings, and, when I'm done with it all, they may not appreciate being "played" with.  I don't know if he's speaking for himself, and he's more upset than he's leading on or if he means the boy from this weekend and others that I have come across in my dealings.  Or both...


In my defense, I try to have fun in life, experience things that take me out of my comfort zone, and, in turn, I hope to bring a little joy along with me for others to enjoy.  If, in touching them, I have hurt someone, that has never been my intent and I am sorry.  Especially, if it has been Mark.  We've certainly had our ups and downs over the years, as much out of the bedroom as in, but I hope he knows how much I love him, and would do anything to take away the pain I have given him.   


I know I'm a pain in his ass, I just always thought that came from my dick, not my tongue.




Well, this is getting to be a bit long of a post, so if you guys want to hear more about the details to this past weekend, let me know and I will continue with the back story tomorrow.  If not, I'll put this little episode behind me, and move forward, trying my best to be more mindful of other peoples feelings.


For any and all future misspeaks, let it be known now, I AM SORRY!





Rafa